Professor Miller had made the mistake of assuming friendship was an activity.
“During the break, I want everyone to speak to three people you don’t know yet. Learn something about them and exchange numbers.”
Around me, chairs moved immediately.
People smiled.
Introductions began.
Lucy, who had the social confidence of someone running for mayor, turned to the girl beside her.
“Hey, I’m Lucy. You’re in Economics too, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Nice. We should compare notes sometime.”
“Sure.”
Numbers exchanged.
Twenty-two seconds.
I watched this happen with the quiet horror of someone witnessing witchcraft.
I opened the Notes app on my phone.
Possible opening lines:
Hi, I’m Daniel.
Too direct.
Hello.
Too formal.
What course are you doing?
Interrogation.
Nice weather.
We were indoors.
I deleted everything.
Ten minutes remained.
I approached a guy standing near the vending machine.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Good start.
“What are you getting?”
“Coke.”
“Nice.”
Silence.
The machine hummed.
I panicked.
“Do you drink Coke often?”
He looked at me.
“Sometimes.”
“Right.”
Another silence.
I could feel the conversation dying in real time.
“So… would you like to exchange numbers?”
He stared at me.
“For Coke?”
I left.
Attempt two.
A girl was standing alone near the window. Perfect. No audience.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“I’m Daniel.”
“Emma.”
Excellent.
Names had happened.
I only needed to behave normally for another thirty seconds.
“What do you do?”
Emma frowned.
“Right now?”
“No. Generally.”
“I’m a student.”
“Of course.”
For a brief moment, I considered climbing out of the window.
Instead, I said, “Professor Miller said we should make friends.”
Emma smiled.
“Yeah.”
“So I was wondering if you wanted to…”
I stopped.
Get coffee?
Too much.
Hang out?
Suspicious.
Exchange numbers?
Transactional.
“…participate?”
Emma blinked.
“In friendship?”
I closed my eyes.
“Yes.”
She laughed.
To my surprise, she gave me her number.
I returned to my seat carrying the expression of a man who had successfully landed a damaged aircraft.
One down.
Lucy already had four.
“How?” I asked.
“How what?”
“How are you doing this?”
She shrugged. “I just talk to people.”
“Can you be more specific?”
“No.”
Useless woman.
Two minutes remained.
I spotted another guy sitting alone.
I walked over.
“Hi. I’m Daniel.”
“Ben.”
“Do you have friends?”
Ben looked up slowly.
I corrected myself immediately.
“I mean, obviously you probably do. Statistically.”
He stared at me.
“I need three.”
“That sounds threatening.”
“No. For class.”
“Still threatening.”
Professor Miller called out, “Thirty seconds!”
I gave up.
“Look, I’m socially terrible at this. Can I have your number so I don’t fail friendship?”
Ben considered me.
Then took my phone.
“Finally, someone asks properly.”
He typed in his number.
Two contacts.
Professor Miller walked over.
“Only two?”
I nodded.
“That’s okay,” she said. “Quality over quantity.”
From across the room, Lucy shouted, “Daniel! Want mine?”
I looked at Professor Miller.
“Does that count?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Because I’m pretty sure my small-talk skills aren’t improving fast enough to get a third one before graduation.”
She sighed.
“Take the number.”
🙌 superb